Stepped on a tail today.. I think it hurted.


Was playing ball with fren. ball bounced out of court. went to pick.

5min ltr...

ball bounced out of court. amazingly to the same spot. went to pick. teacher confronted me.

i quote: " I've seen better players than you, so pls... ( forget here ).. ( bascially it means move out of the court.. but its not impt).."

Was the first part thats impt..

A personal insult. in a general chiding. which wasn really justified in my opinion. will exp ltr..

So many people, decided not to confront her.. moved aside.

went to look for her in privacy ltr on. din bring my fren along... go figure out why.


Told her i felt insulted at the personal attack she took against me. (not that im claiming to refute that statement. gazillions play better than me.. but thats not the pt... ) she made big fuss... "so its my fault? i have to apologise when you are wrong? " okay...

err.. no.. i din say you were at fault.. i juz thought you shld noe and not to take personal attacks against students.

Aniway..

well she could have claimed, or could be thinking.. that i was wrong to be in the basketball court in the first place when they having broad jump beside the basketball court. note: ( outside the basketball court).

Firstly... its a basketball court. 2ndly, no one told us to move away b4hand.. so immediately launching into a scolding wasn realli justified.

secondly, we weren't exactly playing vry rough. besides, on both counts did the ball went to that side,, the ball BOUNCED there. NOT ricochet-ing at god knows what speed towards an innoncent victim...

Thirdly, remember the phrase it was OUTSIDE THE BASKETBALL COURT?????...

Alright, so even if she believed she was justified to scold/chide us for playing there and should move away. okay. BUt. a personal insult?

to something that i wasnt the direct cause of? Hello... i din caused the ball to go in direction.. i went to PICK the ball...

and afterward... letting her noe what i feel.. was WRONG?

did i insist she apologise? did i insist she was wrong?

if she took it that i was being insulting TO her and was disrespectful, okay so maybe i was at fault for even approaching her and talking to her. and even speaking up in the first place.

but still... the point of contention is based on the personal attack. Imean.. scolding afew students.. yea.. but making it into a personal insult? And a pretty loud one at that?

Seriously... i was so pissed...

but i din confronted her immediately in front of all that people... i waited... for her face and to make it easier,,, i din bring a friend along for "moral support" for the same reason...

but interestingly... the minute i left.. she went to one of her fellow colleague.. whispered a few things.. ( couldn't hear.. was too far away) then both turned to stare at me... pretty damn long...

Wow.

( not mentioning names, not mentioning sch, not even mentioning exact details.. dun wan it to be one of dose keyboard warriors who shoot to kill in the guise of anonymity... just needed to let it all out.. just feel unjust.. )

Went to my grandparents' as usual that sat.

I once thought that those with cancer and did not take the treatment available for them were stupid. I was wrong.

I saw how my granddad, pale with sickness. How much he suffered. The agony from 5 bouts of chemo. and 3 more yet to come. I wonder how he took it. The suffering he felt. Frail, weak, exhuasted. It hurts just to see him lying there on his chair. A vestige of his former self. My grandma, it took a toll on her too. She was suffering in silence. She didn't want my granddad to hurt even more. Us, the grandchildren and our parents. we suffered too. In helplessness. In despair.

If only he didn't had to go thru all this. He dreaded each impending injection, that was ironically supposed to make him better.

It hurts. Truly.

ok so maybe you arent perfect. its ok. but still.. if only it were that simple..

that simple.

is this it? a blogging addiction? some compulsion to blog everyday?

Mybe, just maybe, its time to stop.

at least for a while..

is this love? (or just one of the many others?)

i hope its not, cause even if it is, i'll never be able to reveal it.
Never.

Play Games at AddictingGames


Great game for the library for lousy TD players.. haha

I could see her coming down the stairs. Her skirt swished from side to side, like falling petals swaying to the autumn breeze. It was as if an angel had descended from the stairs of heaven and petals heralded her arrival.

I felt my knees go weak as I stood spellbound, a mere mortal rendered hapless by the magic she weaved on those around her.

Oh, did I ever think I could stand a chance?

I quickly closed that gaping mouth of mine.

Behind my back, my fingers started to twirl nervously.

"Here she comes," I thought as I felt my body tense and my limbs go numb.

How should I approach her?

Was that deep, throaty voice that I had long practised in front of the mirror going to work?

"Just relax, you can do it" I reassured myself even as my legs started shaking. I took in a deep breath to calm my nerves, but it only got worse. I could even hear my heart punding furiously against my chest.

Calm down, calm down.

I gazed at her again.

Again I melted before haloed winged innoncence

Oh, such sparkling bright eyes. Was she looking at me? She was moving closer and closer, probably taking leisure in every step. Would throwing myself prostrate in front of her work?

" This is it," I thought, willing myself to stand up. A puddle of sweat was gathering at my feet. I could feel parts of my body being weighed down all of a sudden with lethargy, as if i was turning into a block of wood.

I was unworthy. i had no right to approach her.

Even if everything proceeded smoothly.

Would we find eternal happiness?

What off our offspring?

Half a halo, perhaps?

What if she turned me down?

I would be the laughing stock of the whole school. I could imgine, Mr Chin, in English class, breaking down in bouts of laughter. "Him? So stupid, so dumb, so... HAHAHAHA!"

My resolve weakened considerably at the thought.

I turned to the bottom of the stairs, expecting to find her there.

"Where is she?" "Where is my angel?!"

I have been so preoccupied with my thoughts that I had let her slip by me.

I cursed myself.

Quickly, I rilled myself to go after her.



"Hey! Could I... er... speak to you for a second?" I stammered.



Was my voice too soft?
Was i too far away?
Even if she heard me, why would she, an angel, even bother to turn around to grace a mere mortal like me?



She turned around. ( Oh thank God!)


"Sure." She smiled.

______


The joys of creative writing.. =)

The long walk home:

I looked at the skies.


(Stickwitu was playing on my MP3)





Nobody gonna love me better





It was like a split from time.

A pause. A wrinkle. Surreal.

It was just me and the world. Together.






Nobody gonna take me higher






It was a break from all that work the past few days.

I was tired. But within me, I never felt so refreshed.






And now
Ain't nothing else I can need





I felt. Contented







And that's why I say...

Signs of a mugger.

-You never seem to finish your work
-There always IS something to sutdy for.
-You are behind your lectures.
-It seems there are tests and assignments around every corner.
-You have had to rush homework during breaks.
Wait, there ain't any breaks at all.
-You are tired all the time.
-You never had a fufiling night's sleep since the holidays.
Teachers think thats cause you procrastinate.
C'mon, who doesn't?

anyway,

-Past schoolmates claim you are studying too hard.
-You have very little time to catch up with them
-You study in M. Jc
-You are stressed.
-And always busy.
-Your name is Weng.

Yup thats me alrite..

seriously man, tests after assignments after PW after quizzes... Damn...

to hell with hiding behind bears and learning to fish.

argument 1:

"he always dun read newspaper"

what always dun read. today is lyk the only day. the previous wk i read those newspapers the day after.

"news must be read on the day itself"

so he wans me to read newspaper when my brain is not really functioning at this point of time and needs to RELAX!?

" i know i never study in JC ok. you good."

what am i supposed to say.

Argument 2:

" then how are your test for your subjects. (preparing to scold me for doing badly)"

all do quite well

" u nonid to go tell me how well u did"

wth? din u ask me how are my tests? n i wanted to show you that i dun have to be constantly study like no tmr to do ok in studies.

" u better rmbr those words. i nvr study in jc. i dunknow."

wth... i really have nothing to say.

THIS IS PURE F***ing SHIT!

Rossini's William Tell Cymbals part is orgasmic. No fight.

Lovely.

Heaven.

Tang's Sympho Suite? Snare. OMG!! yea it does soudn abit like band music. But.. woo.. Snare... in YO lehh... =)))

Must. Work. Hard!

Play Games at AddictingGames


heh. another game to play during library free periods.

CRASH!

to break the monotony of these depressing posts....

CRASH!!! WAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

I get to CRASH finally!!!

CRASH!!
CRASH!!

in case u guys don't know what im talking about.. its THE crash man.
Them CYMBALS.

THe big METAL PLATES.

THE GLORIOUS SOUNDING CRAZY!!

WAHAHA ( manical laughter XD )

(this guy is nuts..)

Sitting under the flickering lamp.

my first lapse since beginning of JAE. math test today. totally empty. i hate that feeling. its scary.
you flip the page. blank. flip. blank. flip. blank. flip. end of paper.

i will work hard. i must work hard.
------------

moving aside (trivial)
...

if you dont know already, i crave intellectual conversations. stuff that makes u think. not bout yesterdays football scores or the price elasticities of KFC. it fills me up. thouroughly. n leaves be burning for more. i don't get them often.

dont get me wrong. i do talk to lots of intellectual people. infact, i talk to them pretty much everyday! conversations with them? yea many. but intellectual conversations? rare im afraid.

few people talk to me honestly. especially abt me. TRUTHfully. n spot on. in fact. only 2 of them succeeded. for that i respect them. utmostly.


He was right. What do I want?

I believed that i wanted to pursue my passion, my dreams -- till now.

-the long walk home-

i tossed away what others think, other people's ideas, expectations, wants. N i finally saw what i wanted. I want a contented life. living normally n peacefully. Most importantly, im satisfied and contented. Simple must it be? Not neccessary. Just contentment.

but then i thought. We live in a society. We live in a community. We affect one another. It is really impossible to factor out others from yourselves. True, its your life, but what u do affects others, and in turn will turn back and land smack on your face.

Its just my view. I respect yours as well. Truly. Its just me.

Your're right though. Stick to your beliefs.

No one had given me proper advice for years. you did.
and you hit it right on. I thank you for that.

I believe in mine. I do see truth in yours as well. i'm messed up. i need time to think. Till then, think me not as someone else, but the person you knew before. I'm just me.

Just me.

Everytime Bear informed Pa Bear about his upcoming external activities such as fishing with a net and walking on hind legs, all he got was admonishments and warnings that Bear should focus on what he did primarily like catching food.

"I am very worried that you are taking so much external stuff that you cannot cope with *********"

not a word of encouragement.
not a sign of interest.

Bear tried so hard to prove that he could cope.
The hardest week to come since the beginning of the year, he had so much to do primarily and externally that week.
He studied doubly hard and aced both his tests and assignments. He worked on journeys back to the cave from the forest. He slept late nights to work on his techinque in hunting food and also to use the fishing net.
He did some work between breaks
The only rest he got was during bedtime and between lessons.

But it all went unnoticed.

he was just "couldnt cope" to Pa Bear.

He tried. He really tried.

He succeeded.

But not in convincing them.

He IS tired.

--

read between the lines.