Just read SOMEBODY's blog from sch... Am just shocked... that this "guy" is just talking bout such things on his blog. abt his identity. I mean, the way he goes around saying one minute he is _ _ _ and the next minute he is not? Is he just trying to seek attention or what? n really hard to believe that people actually "worship" him. Disgusting!. (note: not because he tinks he is _ _ _ , but that he goes around acting like suddenly he is _ _ _, than suddenly he is not.. ) its just... so fake.. imagine him ending off everysingle post with hearts and kisses and declares he ain _ _ _ for a mth then decides he is _ _ _ the next. Like WTH? insulting to the _ _ _ community out there I must say. as if he is making a joke out of it. If it is real then i have nothing to say, but if he is just trying to act and stuff.. i'll say go screw himself cuz thats really retarded and senseless... o well...

disclaimer: nthg against _ _ _ , only those people who pose as _ _ _ just for the sake of doing so...

Today's a damn unnerving day for me...

All started in the morning on the way to band.

8.51am alighted at exit after TPE. could have walked to MJ in bout 8 minute and spare myself from being late. BUt decided to wait for buses( there were many buses which can take me there) to take 2 stops down to MJ. waited till 8.59.... whee i was late... zz..was supposed to reach by 9am..

Alrite then when i was going home from sch, alighted 2 stops after where i was supposed to stop.. din even realise until i alighted. Something is wrong with me.. must b daydreaming,,

Then to make it worse... Reached home to find the metal gate not locked. nO on at home... I was so damn nervous and was checking through every single corner of my house to see if any burglar might suddenly jump out and knife me... It was really scary.. even now im looking behind every now and then to check if anyone was around...

And then... i realised the cap for my cleanser wasnt closed... exposed to air to often will get contaminated OKAY... ( okay i know i sound prissy..but it wasnt the first time already) my brother ar.. and worse still.. i found my towel WET!!!.... He must have used it cuz he was going back to army soon and couldnt b bothered to use ANOTHER TOWEL.... YES EWWW!!! ARGH.... damn... my day sucked... maybe tmr will b better... many things to look forward to.. Ensemble, Lesson with tutor, alumni band prac, sec sch band camp!!! Whee.. =) (note to self: remember to bring concert attire to learn to those disrespectful juniors who so "kindly" "asked" me to LEND my concert attire...) ( im nice... i will lend even if they are SOOOO "respectful" in demanding... )

Finally went for a nice run with friend after a long hiatus. really refreshing ya know running at night with friend. becomes not only jogging and all, but also a bonding session. Must get together to do that more often =) ran and talked while running for like 25min LOL.. for a distance of 4.2 km lol... pretty fast I must say.. (pats on the back).. Hello we were talking and jogging at the same time.. that was fast okay... haha..

Nice up. to punggol and to jalan kayu to grab some prata before we head back! =)

I shouldnt even be doing this. I should be studying. But why ain I getting on with it? Beginning is the toughest man. I can seem to start doing my work. What to do? hai...

Anyway, had a really interesting webchat with w.t last night.. really got us thinking ( me definitely, not sure bout her) about what to do with our futures. ( dun get it wrong. as in our individual futures... o.O)

Just wondering.. where will I b 10yrs from now? Which career path should I take. We all should start thinking bout this now. we are already like 16-18 already? young adults they say... They ARE right.. we have to decide. is studying even what i should be doing now? OR should i be somewhere right now?

Really confused..

Anyway, dring the conversation with her, it really struck me how motivated she is.

W.T says:
I really want to try and see if I really work hard, how well I can do. ( may not b exact words)

wow, thats one motivated spirit.. since im here in M..J.. already, might as well be studying away, but i just cant seem to get motivated... same when I was in Olvl... is dere lyk some problem with me.???

havent been given my all.. I know it..

People see me in school working hard.. listening during lectures.. and they call me mugger and all that..

But only I know that I ain giving my all.. I ain working hard enough.. Most of the time what I hear comes out from the other end... My test results... I may be relatively better than some.. But i still feel disappointed.. I KNOW i can do better. Not that Im being proud or anything, but I just knew.. Really disappointed...

I f this gonna go on.. Im really in deep shit.. its not only the studies man.. its the life im gonna lead... no motivation, no hard work.. Even stuff that ain studying, lyk music... sure i have the ambition, I have the want to have it. But do i have the perserverence to strive for it... Its really in burst and sparks... How would I even succeed if this was the case...

I need to change. Period.

Wk 1 of june holidays is gonna start shortly. Tomorrow is the day hell break loose. I have the entire june hoiidays to prove what i got. what i can do. in all areas. This is my chance. I will succeed. And there is NO ROOM FOR FAILURE. I WILL prove my parents wrong. I WILL meet up to their expectations, them who gave me opportunities cause they believed in me. I WIL even surpass what was expected. I WILL shine. everything has got to do with this. My future, my life, my career, my satisfaction.

I will work hard. study hard. practise hard. play hard.

I will.

went to SSO concert today.

Its interesting you know. after going to uncountable concerts. Students or adults alike, they all exhibit the same qualities... presenting..

THe COUGHS... ( clear throat, sniffing, etc.etc.)

This special characteristic of a concert-goer can be classified under 3 forms:

Firstly, the chain reaction cough

Picture the scene. COnductor ends a movement in a song. ( amidst the random sounds of clapping. ) someONE coughs. then someONE else follows. and another. and another. pretty soon u get a symphony of coughs...


Secondly, the instantenuous cough/s

The end of the song signals and instant reaction of coughs. No chain reaction needed. No cue needed. These people are even better than the performing group on stage. No conductor needed. Coughs are unison and harmoniously noisy and irritating.

Thirdly, the random cough/s

Some poor soul either needs a cough drop or just cannot stand the long silence and MUST make a noise, which accounts for the occasional nervous cough or a hacking one which sometimes just destroys the mood of the music..

Imagine. Beautiful end of a phrase. The lilting tune of the flute fades of into silence. Then then someone frickin coughs. Gone. All the previous effort made by the performing group to create whatever atmosphere.. gone.. sigh..

Anyway, this SSO concert was a really cool one cause the conductor and the pianist were really great. and funny. Shit man.. the conductor took out two metronomes halfway thru the song and set it at different tempos... and resumed the music.. lyk o.O...

then the pianist opened the grand piano and started to pluck at the lowest strings. o.O

Anyway.. saw and interesting episode btw a father and his toddler daughter on the train but too tired to talk further abt it.. in my next post maybe... tired... =(

PS. Saw Mr Michael Tan today! He'd really changed..=)

After the concert, i suddenly have this vision.

People come see us play. And they will say that the mysection, our section, the percussion is damn good. Yea.

Thats gonna b a real cool vision to work towards. The ultimate cohesive and Skilled
section

Alrighty, thats gonna b my goals.. one of the many.. =)

Note to self: get some of them percussion ensembles to work on. And actually start achieving goals i set...



Things to do during june hols

MUG
PRACTICE
CATCH UP WIITH FRIENDS

hmm.. we'll c how it goes eh...

elearning.. shant comment about it. and its not only bout elearning itself. it reveals some insights on the people doing them as well... go figure.

maybe its the wrong place to blog it.

yes

The bus journey saga...

I got on the bus.
Found a seat.
Proceed to collapse against a window sitting in a window seat. ( ALmost )

greasy odour wafts into my nose.

EWUCH!!!!

the bus window had this area where it was all blurry and slimy, as if Elvis had smothered his 'do with extra grease and caress the window with his head...

You get the point.

So i tried very hard not to succumb to tiredness for fear of lying onto that disgusting pool of oil..

So anyway, I felt a deep thudding noise....

I look up..

"mr piggy?"

There was this disshapened lump moving towards me.. Ooo I see the head...

The lipids.. gosh.. spilling everywhere.. oil drips*

And so I think i must be very attractive to the guy, or either i take up very little space on the busseat.( i attempted to make myself look fat and take up alot of space.) reckon its the 2nd reason though.. much a more comforting thought..

So he sat next to me. Oh wait, no, he SQUISHED onto the seat..

Murphy never fails me.

To top that off, he had as much aromatic fragrance as a skunk in heat, so you could imagined what it felt like. (note to self: clean after PE before entering the bus. pity the other passengers.)

and so i was trying my best to inch myself away from him and also keeping away from the foul substance on the window. I must be real thin, cause i succeeded =)

Well, the happiness was only temporary.

He shifted.

I was plastered against the window..

Oh well... lesser of two evils.. X)

------------------------------

that aside..

------------------------------

we may not have been in agreement with one another,
nor have we been in talking terms.
maybe even conflict.

but despite that.
we know; at least i definitely DO know
we are friends.

--

Thankyou for being there, thankyou for caring, thank you for being direct, and thankyou for what you have said.

I admit, I havent been the nicest person to deal with or be with. ( an ass )
You havent too =)

But that doesnt matter; you are my friend

And i love you just the same.

My body's aching all over. since the morning till now. My eyeball hurts. yes THE eyeball. Cause its really difficult to roll the ball in any direction.. I think thats cause its too dry.. No lubricated.. Wonder how to cure that. must go research to find out..

I think Im burning out.. big time... when will the holidays come.. a wk seems awfully long. cause in this week is hell of a time. tests, essays due, GPP 2ndraft.. My my.... the cruelty.

I just another of those random thoughts, I think our principal is a really good speaker. And i was really motivated by her speech. But still..

But i will try.


Begin with the end in mind yar..

I will.

Ok so It din turned out so bad.. but it was delayed...

Anyway.. Ijust realised..

I'm going to be getting my sticks in less than a week !! YES!!!!

Oh and anyway, going to launch a speak and type good english campaign, i have no idea what for.. ( maybe to improve THE language? ).. yup so this could be the last time you see/hear me say/type the word lar or the word yup.

cause "yup" is suppose to be yes...

Okay, so maybe i seem to be acting all weird.

But alot on my mind once again.

Realising financial burdens, that's one.
And also how packed my schedule is going to be during the June holidays. And after that as well.
Must really start to work real hard.



(Maybe e language thing just aint gonna last.. u noe... for lyk... 1wk?
yup)


Alright, so.. we'll see how it turns out eh?

This time i Pounced. And grabbed opportunity by the throat.. perhaps too hard.. opps.

Life has a way of twisting and turning
back to smack you on your face.


Friday evening.

"You better not let me catch you being late.." Mr W said

( Background info: he stands at the gate every morning to shout at potential latecomers and is responsible for the twisted pledge hollered by students who were late.)

Monday morning..

The frickin bus came 12min late... And i thought i was early arriving at the busstop.. ( i was.. seriously)


So... during the wait.

I fidgeted.
and fidgeted.
And the other sutdents in the busstop fidgeted as well..

A BUS!! Service number: 8.... ( yes!) .... 0....

dammit..

then came one more 80 2 87s n one more 80..

then we saw 89...e...

ARGH...

Alright so ultimately we got onto the bus.

Then there I was hoping in a weird way that i would be darn late, so I could prevent see-ing Mr W at the get and just proceed to the office to get the late slip..

Then..to my "Joy"... there was a traffic jam.. quote: "Heavy Traffic To Pasir Ris Dr 12" on the expressway billboard.

Looks like life's going my way.. i would be damn LATE!! WHAHAHAHAH XD
*insert manical laughter with half crazed glint in the eyes.

.
..
.
And then the stupid traffic jam cleared up 4min later.. ( smacks head on wall repeatedly..)
.
..
.
And hence i reached the school at 7.40.. just in time to meet Mr W's snarling face...
( now if there weren't the traffic jam, I so hoped for.. I could have been on time... =(...)

Lady Luck must be taking a fullday leave cause..


I missed another chance.. Just by this teeny weeny bit.. argh.. 1min to b exact..

And i let another opportunity by too!!! AH!...

O well.. Time murders Opportunities they say.. so i MUST KILL TIME BEFORE IT KILLS MY OPPORTUNITY!!!! ( -.- ok that was retarded...)


( mental note to self: take the earlier bus tmr cause you'll never know when Lady Luck decides to take another coffee break..)

Desolation and Despair

It all started with the quarrels at night. He could hear them from the next room, and even the pillow didn't help shut the voices up. Then came the cold war. Then the ultimatum.

--

It all became a blur. Suitcases packed. Furniture moving around. Neither seemed to be at home anymore. Kind words of comfort. In rare cases.

--

"There" the matron signed the last of the few forms and shut her book. You can join the others in the dormitory now.

--

" You will be good, right? " the social worker smiled and with a small tap on his head, she stood up, turned and walked away, mentally crossing out his name out of her endless list of charges.

--

He was alone. Just one of the few thousands left to fend for themselves. Without the warm arms of their mothers, nor the firm muscular shoulders of their father.
They were alone.

--
-
--
-
--

He stood amongst the others in the crowded MRT as the train left the station, carrying a black bag, too bulky for a normal day. People's faces whizzed past. Fleeting images, soon to be forgotten by those who were present.

He stared at the window of the train. It was dark, empty, forboding. Nothing. A blank void.

There was nothing worth living for. Life better off without. Existence was futile; hopeless; meaningless.

A teardrop rolled down his cheek.

He stared once more out of the window. Oblivious to the crowd around him, he saw only himself, desitute and lonely. Alone.

His hand found the small button at his side.


--

42 killed, 89 injured

--

Go figure.

--

Just another of my sparks while i was riding the MRT this morning. dunno why i was thinking such morbid thoughts..

(my writing is getting from bad to worse..)
=(

dunno why im blogging at this ungodly hour.. been staying up later and later nights... so its true... cuz my pae class teacher used to say that in JC... no students slp before 1030...

well ... true haha..


nowadays slp-ing early to me is lyk.... 11-1130? zz... now i understnad how my bro has to kip burning midnight oil during his jc year.. argh... just completed one hell of an econs essay outline.. would either get me damn gd grades or very low grade for being out of point.. shall c tmr.. OH n just something random.. tmr is a wonderful day! =) cuz no science subjects! juz arts arts and arts!! =)

Econs, Lit, GP, and Music later onwards

YAY!!! =DDD

should have opted for arts stream zz but took chem juz to get the nice grade... =) so iguess i just have to stick wthe the 'orrible SPAs n the disgusting tutorials that come along with the subj.. no offence to chem.. i lyk chem.. just not the fact that it is a science subj.. =X so content rigour...

alrite.. i guess i'll b signing out to go into lala land for a short break before waking up for sch.. sigh..

PS: hope i succeed in you know what. and land some company. =)
PPS: it's not what you think so stop thinking.. =)
PPPS: M i both? o.O

(edited: due to ambiguous comments made for my preference for chem... lemme make my stand.. I lyk studying chem... but i juz dun lyk the content rigour and the Piles of homework that come with it.. speaking of which.. i have a pile of it waiting for me at the corner of my desk.. so yup.. Ta-Ta... )

hai. thinking back to my secondary sch days, thinking how I used to complain about the oh so great pressure mounting on me, the never ending pile of homework so and so..

How i wished to be back in those days.... compared to this... crushing pressure to catch up on the work.. ( not that i slp in lectures and all.. but u realli NEED to revise topics in jc. i wonder how pple pull thru slping at lectures..) the never ending pile of homework; which seem to be impossible to do.. Imagine: lotsa of homework, which u have no idea how to do.. argh... without refering to your lecture notes every single second..

the workload: lets c..

econs: in a single wk: one tutorial... prepare qn 1 part b n c for the next tutorial.. ( don't underestimate the sheer simplicity of the qn being phrased.. b n c will ensure nights of hair pulling and endless sheets of foolscape being wasted.. imagine an entire question.. " oh n im going thru essay qn 2 for nxt tutorial. prepare an outline... T.T...)

then the teacher apparently forgot about this stuff we have to do and the next lecture, the lecturer goes.. " try the question on the slide. and hand in to your tutor nxt tutorial.. ( oh whee... they happen to fall on a same date as the previous homework's deadline..)

lots of work?

Take that and multiply by 6

yes most jc students take 6 subjs... i tink... dun unestimate the power of this 6 subjs.. to dose 9 subbers in secondary sch.. quantity ain everything.. the intensity.. omg... u'll be shocked...


so lets look at what i have to do... or at least hope to do during the june hols..

Math:

Study for thurs lecture test. Aim: get a double digit score. ( full mark is 25 FYI.. im serious...)
Do Graphing techniques assignment.
Do functions tutorial. (soon)
Do functions assignment. (soon)
Get frickin TYS to do...
Revise previous topics.. ( APGP, Binomial, functions, graphs, trigo, MI, Summation, partial fractions).. "revise" is an understatement..

Chem:

Chem Kinetics tutorial
Chem Bonding tutorial
Gases Revision assignment
Chem Kinetics Revision assignment (soon)
Chem Bonding revision assignment (soon)
Revise previous topics.. ( atomic structure, stochiometry, chem bonding, chem kinetics, gases, i tink i left out some topics.. )

Econs: tis 'orrible...

Gazillions essay questions to attempt.
Revise Price mechnism
Revise Demand and Supple
Revise Elasticity
Revise Market Failure
Look into Firms
Look into Inflation
Start LOOKING for sloman book for economics and actually start reading... =.=

lit:

Oh whee nothing!!
( that makes it worse.. i have no idea what to prepare for my midyr.. spot poems?)

GP:

Force myself to read the newspapers everyday.
Force myself to take an interest in any news other than politics.
Note the word FORCE... =(
But actually im cool with GP.. sadly thats the only subj.. =(

PW:

OMG... GPP, GPP, GPP!!!

RESEARCH!!!
ARGH!!!! spazzes out*
('nuff said..)

CL:

Oh wait i don't take CL.. My HCL olvl got D7 OKAY!!! WAHAHAHAH XD

yup thats the end of mylist. ( for SCHwork.. )( hmm i guess other JCs are the same? or issit lyk only.. THE BLUE JC... the one in the east... =()

Music:

Practise my damn rudiments until they are in tiptop shape
Get a handle in Stevens grip.
Actually attempt timpani pieces..
Practice dose stuff that Mr Lim assigns.

Practise for YO concert n trip.
Help section for NBC.
Practice for P.youths WASBE thingy.
Scout for percussionists for p.youths
Practise for alumni concert.

Comm meetings and all..


OMG LAR!! HOW!!!???!!!???

saying that.. why the hell m i still here blogging my life away? and spending the past half hr composing this entire post...=.= shld have been doing somework,,,,

ending on a happy note: i did 3 out of the gazillions econs essays i have to do =) pats on the back* =)

Watched Day of the Kamikaze just now. One part really touched me. Brought me to tears, and saying that, im not the teary type... It was about a typica scene during the WWII, a kamikaze pilot calling come the day before his death. The conflict he and his family faces, between honour and life. Almost painful to watch.

---

" Sister, after the long wait, the day has come. "

My brother sounded so calm. The lighthearted chuckle, didn't he know that he was going to die the next day?

"Masai Oksa, we will always be with you." My lips trembled as I forced this words out of my mouth. He had to do it. It was for the country, for the family's honour and pride. But...

I passed the phone to my father.

" Son, go and serve your duty well and uphold the honour of our country.." his voice faltered.

" We.. will always be with you." I could see the grief in my father's eyes, the pain of losing etched deep on his face.

My mother was trembling in grief as my father passed the phone to her.

" Masai.. go.. don't worry about us..we will.. " she broke off midsentence as tears streamed down her cheek; the greatest grief in the world is of a mother weeping for a soon to be dead son. It was unbearable to watch.

I choked back my tears.

Shaking her head, Mother buried her head in Father's shoulder, shaking uncontrollably.

Stifled sobs puntuacted the over-bearing silence.

I took the phone from Mother. As i heard the dial-tone, I whispered,

" Goodbye Masai, go in peace. "

---

Lotsa stuff to blog about today: random thoughts and some critical stuff...

Suddenly i nid to start to learn which mouth pieces fit where.. and get my reeds into the correct instruments.. i swear i wasnt sure whether oboes were single or double reeds... And
I dunno why,
but
I picture a yr ahead fraught with conflicts, OB markers and sensitive issues.. The arrrangements of the group are pretty interesting; powerplays and alliances, outcasts and neutral parties.. Sounds so Survivor.. Except this takes place right in school. So much for saying school-going teenagers have it easy. Not quite. Maybe im being overly sensitive, or just plain thinking too much. But.. deep down, inside every single one of us.. We know. But on second thoughts. Maybe we THINK we know.. Hmm...

Hai, dilemmas starting to pop up, one major one around the corner... NBC-MYE-OverseasTrip... Zzz.. clash! Clash! CLASH!!!.. sigh..


Next up, insights on this author's personality (or not),

I realised i look things by bits and parcels and then put them together to form a big picture. Useful at times, but on certain occasions.. really just isnt right..

Its sorta distracts and deviates me from the big picture? I dunno...
But one thing's for sure, I recalled my past conductor saying that to solving problems we don't dwell on small things and the what ifs. We see the big picture, and split into small areas to work on, and just do it. If we were to start going on and on about what ifs.. we'll never get anything done, cause all it takes is one good opposing argument and we are back to square one.
How true...
Maybe I should start working things top down instead of bottom up.. hmm.. we'll wait and see...

And more..

Realised I have pretty intense emotions and feelings.. Too high-flung I think. A simple rationalising can leave me looking like im on the verge of tears. I emphasize the word LOOK. Cause i don't even feel sad. Maybe frustrated. But definitely not on the verge of breaking to tears. More likely shouts and screams. Maybe that's it. All the occasions I wanted to just burst on shouting and screaming but did not. I ended up looking as if i wanted to break into tears. Hmm, check to self..got to keep in control of my facial emotions.. Impassive yar.. Then people will start saying I have this "pissed-off" look permanently... argh...

Oh n if i looked as if i was really pissed off, irritated, agitated and angry today, well, it's not you. But i'd think its me. not enough slp this few days... Very touchy and temperamental...

And one final thing. One more thing to vye for before the end of the term.. Hmm...